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April 23, 2015

Health Update: Hurry Up and Wait

Warning: painfully honest health update ahead. Here's where I stand right now:

Puffy and blurry eyes from an inevitable breakdown, stopped only by the not-new acknowledgment that if I were somehow able to cry as hard as my emotions demanded, my body might break in two.

A green-bruised arm, though surprisingly not nearly as bruised as you'd think, from 12 vials of blood taken on Monday to test for Lyme Disease, Lupus, Epstein Barr, hundreds of allergies, and who knows what else.

What feels like half of the little hair my sickness(es) has left me with now gone, up to the scalp, for a metal poisoning test accomplished this weekend. "Hair sample" my rear-end. I already had precious few hairstyle options for the rare times I leave the house. Now I can't wear it up because of the missing hair and still can't wear it all down because of the hair I'd already lost. And I now live in fear of reaching up and accidentally feeling those five spots where hair once was, something that won't just go away in a couple weeks. Hair doesn't grow back overnight. I am, however, extremely relieved to find, after putting off washing my hair for this reason for four days, that they're practically unnoticeable when washing my hair. And at least I had hair left to offer to find out once and for all if I do indeed have metal poisoning. Had we waited longer I might not have.

Beyond frustrated at this hurry-up-and-wait game. I had six medical tests to take, four of them now accomplished, and was set to get them all done asap but now find out that one of them has to be done later on next month. The other I have to wait on to arrive in the mail to take. And of course each of these medical tests will take 2-6 weeks to get results back. So I'm anxious to hurry up and begin treatment though I don't even know what all exactly it will be for yet.

Edited on 4-24 to add: I just learned that all 12 vials are bad and I'll have to have it done again. It only worked out this past weekend because we happened to be an hour nearer to the place than we usually are and were already on the road. We can't just up and drive 6 hours round-trip on a weekday, and I also can't just turn around and give that much blood over again. I don't even have words right now.

So what am I doing in the meantime? Besides trying not to think about all the aforementioned, because then I'll cry again.

Lots of jewelry: making, photographing, listing, planning. Trying to sell as much as possible to help with all this mess of medical junk. I'm in the process of adding all of these rings to the shop, which makes my heart very, very happy:

Five colors, all available in a silver or bronze adjustable base, all looking like happy candy. Which one should I keep for myself? ;)

I also had my first big bridal order smack in the middle of this past nightmare weekend that was a bigger blessing than I think the bride will ever know.

You can get your own of this necklace, or a few for your friends, here!

Lots of blog and shop designs: I happily got to do a full Etsy shop package for a lady this past week, with lots of other little projects. Distraction that brings in a little money is always a good thing.

Watching lots of Friends. It is excellent background noise when I'm working. Or whatever. I give up on how many times I've been through all the seasons. I've gotten to where I'm realizing certain seasons are awesome and some are just okay and can skip accordingly. Not to undermine the awesomeness of the show as a whole.

Working on music. Of all my "distractions," that's what makes me happiest. I am so proud of "Home to Emily," regardless of how many people may watch it or how few people may like it, because I know the time and effort that went into it, how many obstacles there were that most people will never hear about, and simply because I love that song. And I'm dreaming of doing another such project as soon as all the stars align.

I'm thankful for my best friend for letting me dump all this on her when we both know there's little she can do, besides letting me get it out. For very, very generous family members helping me get closer to answers. For people who don't even know me praying for me--and saying so. For my mommy for being my mommy and cutting my hair for me and understanding how traumatic it was and that it wasn't crazy that I was shaking for a long time after. And for my husband for being superman, just holding me, taking care of me, and taking on the billion little steps in this married-to-a-spoonie life.

And I'm thankful that this misery is another step on the road to answers. I hope to be back here with those answers soon.

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