I remember back when I was about 5 watching Babes in Toyland starring Drew Barrymore. Has anybody else seen that crazy movie? Then, when I was older, I discovered Ever After, now one of my absolute favorite movies, yet another Drew Barrymore hit with me.
Then, a couple years ago, I was up in the middle of the night (the usual) looking for random movies on Youtube. I knew nothing about 50 First Dates, starring Adam Sandler and, again, Drew, and had never even heard of it and just started watching it. (Spoiler alert if you've never seen this movie--go watch it, then come back here.) Because I just started watching it, you know, without reading the back cover that gives the whole thing away, I had no clue what was going on when Lucy didn't remember Henry the second time she saw him. Which of course made the shock factor that much greater.
Pretty sure I cried when I watched it that night, and then I had Daniel watch it with me the next night. I've probably seen it five times since then. And I could cry and cry every time.
A few disclaimers: I'm sure Adam Sandler probably wasn't trying to do anything more than make a unique, funny movie with memorable characters, and I'm sure teaching something through it likely wasn't his goal. And the movie is indeed hilarious (best part is when Lucy beats Ula with the bat...) but it also needs to be edited--there are a few parts I wish weren't in it. I don't even know if Lucy's problem is possible in the real world; I wouldn't be surprised if it is. And there are, of course, some logic issues with things that happen.
But, all of that aside, the story itself is beautiful. In a way that may only be apparent to those with chronic illness. Lucy's problem is not your average chronic problem, but it is just as unavoidably life-affecting and potentially life-crippling as any other chronic illness.
So I want to attempt to finally put down in words what this funny movie teaches about chronic illness that makes it so meaningful to me.
1~ Chronic illness is not the sufferer's fault. || Lucy had nothing to do with causing that accident. She certainly didn't have some selfish plan to become a burden to her family and bring more attention to herself. Yet at some point or another, that's how it feels with a chronic illness. Surely, surely this must be my fault, somehow. If it's something bad, there must be a cause, and who else to cause this but myself? Unfounded guilt is the usual for someone with chronic illness. But, just like with Lucy, it's not the sufferer's fault.
2~ People with chronic illness need support from their family and friends, not made to feel guilty for things they can't control. || Not only did her family and friends never make Lucy feel guilty about something that wasn't her fault, they continued to love her and support her no matter how crazy things got. They, particularly her dad and brother, went to the ends of the earth to do what they thought was best for her, which was keeping her issue a secret from her at all costs. Now, I'm not saying that was the best move, as we see Henry soon realized and came up with a better solution for. But her dad and brother re-wrapped the gift, watched the same ball game and movie, repainted the garage every single day out of their love for Lucy. Regardless of how tired they got of doing all that--no matter how much her problem was an "inconvenience" to their lives--they never took it out on her. After all, see #1. People with chronic illness already deal with enough negativity and disappointment and guilt in their own mind--what they need from family and friends is unquestioning love and support.
3~ Just because you can't see it, that doesn't mean it's not there. || Lucy looked totally normal when Henry met her. She always looked totally normal, and you'd never dream there was anything wrong with her. But Henry believed it when he found out the truth. No one ever told Lucy, "You don't look sick." And no one ever claimed she was just putting on for attention. Not being able to see the problem does not make it any less real. And not being able to see it does not make its effect on the person's life and their suffering any less real.
4~ Chronic illness does not make the sufferer any less of a person. || After the accident, Lucy was still the same person she was before--a happy, talented young lady who loved art and music and building waffle houses. She was no less capable of love after than she was before. And she was no less relevant as a person than she was before. She simply had another facet added to who she was, but Lucy herself never went anywhere. In today's world, health is just a given. It's second nature. So it's easy to, even subconsciously, view someone who's sick as something less than whole. And it's just as easy to view yourself that way when you're the one who's sick. But illness does not take away from the person you are; it just adds to it.
5~ Love is bigger than any chronic illness. || In spite of all Lucy's problems, Henry could not be deterred--he wanted her with or without her issues. Love was greater. And this is the part that gets me the most every time I watch the movie. In this way, my Daniel is just like Henry. When we were dating, I told him to move on, that he deserved better, that this wasn't fair for him to live with, that he could have anyone--and someone who was actually healthy and could be the wife I couldn't be. But he said no. He'd rather be with me as I am than anyone who's healthy. Henry knew it wouldn't be easy--there would always be new hurdles to get through. Daniel knew that too. And they both said yes to all of it. Because their love was bigger than any issues, hurdles, fears, or shortcomings.
By all practical standards, Lucy was doomed to a life of starting over every morning when she woke up, couldn't hold a job, couldn't have a relationship with anyone, and certainly could never be married and have children. But when love came along, suddenly there was a way--she gained the courage to devise a way to teach art, she married the man of her dreams, despite her insistence that he deserved "better," they had a little girl together, and Henry got to continue his dreams too. It didn't make sense, it was crazy, it was impossible, yet it wasn't really, because of their love. And of course they lived happily ever after. :)
50 First Dates is just a sweet, funny movie at first glance. But it has so much more meaning behind all the laughs and remains very special to me and Daniel. Lucy and Henry were totally made up, but their trials, hurdles, and love story are not unlike that of real life. Needless to say, I found a new favorite movie that night on Youtube. :)
Then, a couple years ago, I was up in the middle of the night (the usual) looking for random movies on Youtube. I knew nothing about 50 First Dates, starring Adam Sandler and, again, Drew, and had never even heard of it and just started watching it. (Spoiler alert if you've never seen this movie--go watch it, then come back here.) Because I just started watching it, you know, without reading the back cover that gives the whole thing away, I had no clue what was going on when Lucy didn't remember Henry the second time she saw him. Which of course made the shock factor that much greater.
Pretty sure I cried when I watched it that night, and then I had Daniel watch it with me the next night. I've probably seen it five times since then. And I could cry and cry every time.
A few disclaimers: I'm sure Adam Sandler probably wasn't trying to do anything more than make a unique, funny movie with memorable characters, and I'm sure teaching something through it likely wasn't his goal. And the movie is indeed hilarious (best part is when Lucy beats Ula with the bat...) but it also needs to be edited--there are a few parts I wish weren't in it. I don't even know if Lucy's problem is possible in the real world; I wouldn't be surprised if it is. And there are, of course, some logic issues with things that happen.
But, all of that aside, the story itself is beautiful. In a way that may only be apparent to those with chronic illness. Lucy's problem is not your average chronic problem, but it is just as unavoidably life-affecting and potentially life-crippling as any other chronic illness.
So I want to attempt to finally put down in words what this funny movie teaches about chronic illness that makes it so meaningful to me.
1~ Chronic illness is not the sufferer's fault. || Lucy had nothing to do with causing that accident. She certainly didn't have some selfish plan to become a burden to her family and bring more attention to herself. Yet at some point or another, that's how it feels with a chronic illness. Surely, surely this must be my fault, somehow. If it's something bad, there must be a cause, and who else to cause this but myself? Unfounded guilt is the usual for someone with chronic illness. But, just like with Lucy, it's not the sufferer's fault.
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2~ People with chronic illness need support from their family and friends, not made to feel guilty for things they can't control. || Not only did her family and friends never make Lucy feel guilty about something that wasn't her fault, they continued to love her and support her no matter how crazy things got. They, particularly her dad and brother, went to the ends of the earth to do what they thought was best for her, which was keeping her issue a secret from her at all costs. Now, I'm not saying that was the best move, as we see Henry soon realized and came up with a better solution for. But her dad and brother re-wrapped the gift, watched the same ball game and movie, repainted the garage every single day out of their love for Lucy. Regardless of how tired they got of doing all that--no matter how much her problem was an "inconvenience" to their lives--they never took it out on her. After all, see #1. People with chronic illness already deal with enough negativity and disappointment and guilt in their own mind--what they need from family and friends is unquestioning love and support.
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3~ Just because you can't see it, that doesn't mean it's not there. || Lucy looked totally normal when Henry met her. She always looked totally normal, and you'd never dream there was anything wrong with her. But Henry believed it when he found out the truth. No one ever told Lucy, "You don't look sick." And no one ever claimed she was just putting on for attention. Not being able to see the problem does not make it any less real. And not being able to see it does not make its effect on the person's life and their suffering any less real.
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4~ Chronic illness does not make the sufferer any less of a person. || After the accident, Lucy was still the same person she was before--a happy, talented young lady who loved art and music and building waffle houses. She was no less capable of love after than she was before. And she was no less relevant as a person than she was before. She simply had another facet added to who she was, but Lucy herself never went anywhere. In today's world, health is just a given. It's second nature. So it's easy to, even subconsciously, view someone who's sick as something less than whole. And it's just as easy to view yourself that way when you're the one who's sick. But illness does not take away from the person you are; it just adds to it.
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50 First Dates is just a sweet, funny movie at first glance. But it has so much more meaning behind all the laughs and remains very special to me and Daniel. Lucy and Henry were totally made up, but their trials, hurdles, and love story are not unlike that of real life. Needless to say, I found a new favorite movie that night on Youtube. :)
[I'll be back with that exciting announcement promised on Monday tomorrow... sorry for the delay!]
I love this sweet movie :)
ReplyDelete50 First Dates is a superb film. You're right, love triumphs all. Or it should at least. Thank you for sharing & being open about chronic illness! :] // itsCarmen.com ☼
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading, Carmen! This post means a lot to me, obviously. :) Have a great evening! :)
DeleteI LOVEEE this movie! I watch it every time that it is on!
ReplyDeleteI thought this movie was really sweet - I'm glad you agree and now I want to watch it again!
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite movies! I'm glad you highlighted the chronic illness part!
ReplyDeleteYay! I'm glad you love it too--thank you, honey! Have a great weekend! =)
DeleteI have always loved your movie and I loved your comments on it. While I don't have a chronic illness that is related to my physical health, I have always struggled with anxiety and depression. I think mental illnesses are some of the most difficult for our society to deal with because, like you said, the person may not LOOK sick and may be able to "act normally" for the majority of the time. Beautiful post and thank you for reminding me of this great movie :)
ReplyDeleteHey, I saw your post over on the Be.YOU.tiful link party! I love that movie toooo! I appreciated your insights... yeah, I understand on a smaller level yearning to be loved despite my specific challenges or flaws. I was terrified to tell my boyfriend that I have IBS....that's pretty dang embarrassing! But he was really cool with it! :) We could even joke about how often I had to run to the bathroom. Now that we're married, I'm so glad I was open to him from the beginning! I'm so glad you also found a guy who is patient with the health challenges and doesn't let that change his love for you. :)
ReplyDelete#5 is so, so important, and really hit home for me. I have an anxiety disorder, and I've told my man on numerous occasions that he deserves better, and that he could find someone else who isn't as much of a hassle, but he always says he loves me and doesn't want anyone else. It really does blow me away sometimes, but you're right - I shouldn't be viewing myself as a burden because of my illness. I'm still worthy of being loved. Anyway, thank you for writing this post.
ReplyDeleteIt's very true--chronic illness makes us no less of a person than anyone else. It only adds to our story. I'm so glad you have someone alongside you who realizes this! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Lulu! :)
DeleteKacie, this just made me cry so hard. I love how you incorporated pop culture into something that is so real for for many people! I hope that lots of people will connect to this or it will help them understand more!
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