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June 7, 2014

Why The Bachelorette May Have Lost Me...

Guys, I think I might be done with The Bachelorette. At least for this season.

I'm going to attempt to put into words why this week's second episode upset me so much. Besides the fact that we know Eric died after he left the show, and that makes everything much worse, what all happened between him and Andi is just odd and confusing. In the first talk they had in that episode, where Andi brought up that their relationship had stalled, it really seems like something else had happened prior to that conversation to make them talk the way they did--or more so, for Andi to talk the way she did. Their whole conversation had this strange, tense, Andi-on-the-defensive vibe to it from the start for no clear reason, like she thought Eric had done something wrong. That couldn't have just come out of nowhere, and I really think something happened that we weren't shown. What, I have no idea.

Regardless, Eric handled that conversation quite well. He had time to think about it afterward, and then decided to tell Andi what he realized, not to spite her or hurt her, but to be honest and show that he really liked the real her and not what she was putting on for the camera. And maybe also to help explain why their relationship had "stalled."

Now, anyone put in front of a camera is not going to be completely themselves. You're not going to act in front of millions of people and a few cameras like you do when you're at home with friends. That's just impossible. But I can see how Andi does have an unnatural air to her, comparing how she would be loosened up on an active, one-on-one date and sitting in front of a camera for a formal rose ceremony. I would say his point was pretty valid.

But even that aside and just for the sake of argument assuming he was totally wrong about her acting a part, how he told her this was always calm, never cocky or rude or mean. He was simply saying how he felt. If he had approached her any other way, I could see why she would get extremely upset. A cocky bigshot coming at her and accusing her of being fake? Okay, let the guy have it. But Eric was nowhere near that. Yet at the first hint of him bringing up something unpleasant, the look on Andi's face showed she was done with him. I could not believe how quick she was to assume he was attacking her and let him have it. She never even let him finish what he was trying to say or explain what he really meant and instead just escalated from anger at what he said, to dismissal of what he was supposedly saying, to dismissal of him altogether. And then proceeded to hardly give him a goodbye and take out her indignation on the rest of the guys there as a warning to them.

I'm a girl, clearly--I get how we take things and overreact to things, etc., and the emotions behind how we act and react. And that was just totally uncalled for. Putting aside what happened to Eric after (my husband didn't realize he was the one who had the accident and still agreed that she completely overreacted), her treatment of him was just terrible. I know at this point in the show she is stressed, she's overwhelmed, and it's just a crazy, very abnormal situation. I get that. But this is about more than her overreacting; this shows a whole stinkin' lot about her. Her maintaining her pride at the cost of losing a guy she maybe liked was clearly more important to her than entertaining the possibility that she might actually be wrong, gaining a potentially amazing relationship, and treating a decent guy with decency.

And then, at the end of the show, when she had the chance to say she regretted how she treated him? Nothing of the kind. She gave a politician-like, stale answer and did nothing to redeem herself. Pretty Juan Pablo-esque, honestly. Chris Harrison even shared in an interview that she didn't want to do that sit-down talk.

It always kind of annoyed me when I would see people online say "Well, I'm not watching anymore!" when something little would happen, or someone they liked would go home, or even when they found Andi's "y'all" annoying. But something about the whole situation, that even after all these paragraphs I'm not sure I've actually fully expressed, gives me a very bad taste and makes me kind of not want to keep up with this season anymore.

I just knew this big hullabaloo would be over Andrew getting a waitress's number and Andi finding out, etc., and when it became clear that that whole scene would be over her and Eric, I could not believe it. And then the guys all watching like Eric was attacking her and Josh saying that she shouldn't be crying, like Eric was horribly mistreating her. How about Eric was simply being honest (and not Juan Pablo's version of "honest") and Andi's crying was complete overreacting? I was so afraid the guys were gonna jump in and let Eric have it, and I'm so glad they didn't. And then he didn't even get to say goodbye to the guys and left like some disgraced person, when he did absolutely nothing wrong. The whole thing just appalled me.

Basically, I really liked Andi, more than I thought I would. When she let Juan Pablo have it, it was clear she had no problem with confrontation and speaking her mind. And in that case, it was clearly needed and appropriate. But then to treat a guy just like she treated Juan Pablo, for wanting to get to know the real her and calling her out on something? And especially a guy who acted with as much calmness and decency as he did? Floored me, and gives me a sick feeling in my stomach.

I do still think she'll end up with Josh. But she'll need to learn, and probably the hard way, to not twist every little thing into an attack against her, or they will be in for a rough time. I'm sorry ... she did not deserve Eric.

Yes, because we know what happened to Eric, it makes everything that Andi said to him much worse. America was predisposed to love him from the start because we knew of the tragedy. Of course she would have treated him differently if she had known what was going to happen. So even if we can rationalize away her actions as the last straw to a stressed female, fine.

But here's the main thing: If she had taken the chance at the end, during the interview, to express anything better than just how that's not the kind of conversation you want your last conversation with someone to be, if she had actually apologized, said she was very sorry, regretted it, just something like that that truly felt remorseful and sincere, she could have redeemed herself to viewers. Just like Juan Pablo, she had the chance to admit she would do it differently if she had the chance. And like Juan Pablo, she didn't. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone overreacts sometimes. But she had the chance to realize how she was wrong and own up to it and didn't. And whether she really felt awful and was too proud to say so, or she actually wasn't really sorry at all and so had no apology to give, either way is troubling. And I think that is the issue that bothers me most.

So instead, I'll probably just keep up with Sharleen's view to see how things turn out.

Okay, so what did you guys think? Do you think what Eric said was wrong or an attack against her? 
Do you think he was right about her acting a part? Are any of you as disappointed in Andi as I am?

1 comment:

  1. I loved Eric from the start and actually found out what happened to him after the episode aired. I think he could have said she was not being her authentic self in a better way. I don't think calling her fake was such a good idea and I can see why she would get defensive. However, I do think she did overreact. I agree with you when you are in a relationship the most important thing is being honest and telling the other person how you feel. In every relationship sometimes a person will say something and they do not mean it the way it first sounds. I know I'm guilty of this. But, the other person has to be willing to hear them out. I don't think she should have ripped into Eric the way she did. I was sad to see him go and sad even more when I found out what happened to him because he truly seemed like a kind and genuine person. I thought it was a little odd when she was sitting there and obviously did not really want to talk about him. But, I wonder if she felt guilty for the things she said and the fact that she never had the chance to rectify the situation and that's why she wasn't sure what to say. Obviously, we will never know the whole story. Maybe for the finale after the final rose she will be able to open up more and explain why she acted the way she did or maybe we will never know.


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