Life and Dreams

April 14, 2015

No, "The Spoon Theory" Does Not Apply to Your Headache

This is something I've encountered recently that has upset me enough that I can't seem to let it go. So I'm saying something.

If you've read anything about chronic illness, you've probably encountered "The Spoon Theory" at some point. If you haven't, please take a look at it--it's so simple yet has become a pretty priceless analogy for likely thousands of people like me.

The whole “Spoon Theory” is intended for those with life-altering, debilitating chronic illnesses to attempt to begin to get across to their healthy peers what their lives are like. It only scratches the surface of the helplessness we face in how few “spoons” we possess each day but uses a simple analogy anyone can understand in a powerful way. We are not really in charge of our bodies and, try as we might, cannot control its whims--we are not in charge of how many "spoons" we are allotted every day and must use them wisely. We can't just push through every day like nothing's wrong and pull from an endless--or even large--resource of spoons.

It's a great analogy. However, my issue is with people misusing it, which I recently encountered. The theory is not intended to be used by healthy or even relatively healthy people dealing with tiredness at the end of a long, full day of work or a random headache or other sporadic pain they experience--by this I mean things that are normal, explainable, and can be recovered from with a good night's sleep.

Please do not be so thoughtless and selfish as to refer to yourself as a “spoonie” or “running out of spoons” if you don’t suffer from debilitating chronic illness(es) that completely envelop your life. It’s demeaning to those of us who actually are “spoonies.”

It belittles the pain and suffering we deal with every minute of every day.

It puts your sporadic, healthy discomfort on the same level as our inescapable misery.

It implies that you think you, in your normal, passing tiredness or mild headache, are dealing with just as much misery as a real "spoonie" and therefore that the suffering of real "spoonies" is as temporary and normal as yours.

And it undermines the power of an incredibly simple yet profound analogy. There's little we can do to get across life with chronic illness(es), but this theory was a rare kind of victory for us. Please don't ruin it.

April 9, 2015

The Full Story Behind "Home to Emily"

150 years ago today, the Civil War officially ended. But it didn't quite. There were still battles fought after that date, somehow, with soldiers wounded and dying after surrender was declared. My great-great-great-great grandfather was one of them.

Unfortunately when it comes to the stories of ancestors, the "full story" is often much more sparse than we'd like. But I do know a bit more information about Joshua and Emily than can be reasonably conveyed in a five-minute song, so I wanted to share those extra details here.

Joshua David Smith (born as best I know on October 27, 1818) and Emily Jane Beall (born as best I know on October 24, 1819) each grew up in Virginia, at least Joshua in the part that would later become West Virginia. I don't know how or when the two found each other, but they were married around 1840--the best I can find is March 5, 1840, so we're going with that until proven otherwise.

By 1861 The Civil War had broken out, and Joshua enlisted with the 11th West Virginia Infantry (Union) on August 18, 1862. He began service on September 21, 1862 and fought through the rest of the War, with a several-month break in 1864/1865 due to illness.

The war dragged on until mid-1865, and Joshua was wounded in a battle in April or May of that year, supposedly at the Battle of High Bridge, though I have conflicting info on exactly where and when. Just after the war ended, on June 4, 1865, he died of those wounds, leaving behind Emily, his wife of twenty-five years, and ten children ranging from three years old to adult (at least one of whom also fought and survived the war despite being wounded).

Joshua is buried in Hampton National Cemetery, a Veterans cemetery in Virginia, and Emily, who died February 3, 1892, is buried in Bethlehem Cemetery in Grantsville, West Virginia, both places which are pretty high on my list of genealogical sites to visit.

When I first got into genealogy back in my mid-teens (which experience you can read more about here), I somehow found Joshua Smith's picture online--not a terribly common occurrence in the quest for ancestral info. I understandably flipped out. I've tried to track down the owner of this photo in the past but wasn't successful, but one of a few sources of the photo is here. I also found a description of Joshua: fair complexion, black hair, brown eyes, 5' 6", and a farmer. I know much less about Emily (not even sure who her parents were), but I just so wish I had her picture.

If it's possible to have favorite ancestors, Joshua has always been one of mine. And since March 5, just a few weeks ago, was Joshua and Emily's 175th wedding anniversary, and June will bring the 150th anniversary of his death, along with the 150th anniversary of The Civil War's official end being today, I wanted to share their story here, along with the song I wrote about them. (Yes, I took a couple of artistic liberties with it.) Which, if it didn't lead you here but vice versa, you can watch here (I suggest making sure it's on the highest resolution so it's most readable):

This song is the product of a desire to tell my ancestors’ story, no budget whatsoever, and minimum resources available—I wish I had the physical and technological capabilities to capture this song in absolute perfection. So while you won’t see Hollywood quality in this production, I hope you see the love that went into it.

It's not all sunshine and roses, but neither was their reality. No doubt a lot of it was a nightmare, but no doubt there was also love, and love lives on.

March 25, 2015

Health Update + Katya Valera Announcement

Well friends, when Life, KV Style officially ended, I said I'd still be back here if I ever had any big announcements to share. And while this is not the kind of post I was envisioning when I said that or when I decided to totally redesign my blog, I feel like I should probably share this news with you:

I'm having a huge sale at Katya Valera! What does that have to do with a health update?

If you've been following my blog long enough, you may have read how I found a doctor back in fall 2013 who determined there were many, many things wrong with my body that were causing my life-changing health problems, and how I saw him for nearly a year before my husband and I moved states.

While that doctor has drastically helped so many people, including my mother, who has MS and now has her own incredible success story with him, I was one of the few that was not greatly helped. I was somewhat, but not drastically, and the past few weeks especially I have been doing so badly it's like I'm back to being newly diagnosed and never treated at all. Clearly, even though I was tested and treated for so many things, there is something wrong with my body that has not been tested and treated. And we have to find out what that is.

So we have found a brilliant doctor three hours away that I will be seeing once I take many, many tests (believe it or not there are still things I haven't been tested for) including but not limited to Lyme Disease, Lupus, metal poisoning, and multiple gene mutations besides my already-discovered MTHFR gene mutation.

Once I get all those test results, we'll better know what the plan of action will be, but for now the plan is 6 months of treatment. Needless to say, these tests and treatment will cost thousands, with treatment costs rising even more based on test results. And of course these costs don't include expenses like driving the 6-hour round trip to this doctor, etc.

So what does this have to do with Katya Valera? A large part of why Katya Valera exists is that I simply love jewelry and jewelry making. But a larger part is that because of my chronic illnesses, I cannot work outside the home. So this is one of the few ways I've found to bring any semblance of an income to help with bills in general but specifically medical bills.

So while Katya Valera was once my small attempt to help with my usual abnormally high medical costs, it is now even more so as I begin this treatment. So I am having a BOGO 50% off sale, good on all items in my shop!

Unfortunately I'm too advanced for Etsy and you can't make a coupon code for this kind of sale, so there is not a code for this sale. Instead here is how it works:

1) Mention this sale in the note at checkout.
2) Check out with whatever form of payment you prefer (Paypal and Credit Cards are accepted) and I will promptly refund you half the cost of the lower-priced item(s). No limit on the number of items!

As if that's not exciting enough, I have also added 20 items to a new SALE section in my shop, where every price has already been reduced!

That's it! It's spring, there's all kinds of bright and happy pieces in my shop including tons of new ones, plus all the SALE items I just mentioned, so go ahead and beat everyone else to your favorites here! And please feel free to share this sale with your friends!

I hope to share updates in the future with answers as I get them, as I'm able. If you have read all of this, thank you! And I hope to see you over on Etsy. ;)

January 2, 2015

An End and a Beginning

I shared a while back an exciting glimpse of what my day's like. You know that saying that everyone has the same 24 hours in a day? I don't think that really applies to spoonies. Because I really only get about 9. I can't go to bed for 6-8 hours and get up and do all day. So even if I'm up for 12, I'm only able to do much of anything worth anything for a lot less than that.

I've also probably made it pretty clear that I am a helplessly creative person. (Hey, I've got the degree to prove it!) I am constantly adding new little (or huge) projects to my life, because evidently parts of my brain don't realize I have the limitations of a sick person, so I dream up things and plan like I have no limitations. That can lead to all kinds of disappointment, but I digress. It didn't matter that I already had a jewelry business, I had to add a blog. Then I had to add blog designing, and then the Etsy shop for that.

And while I have those creative pursuits going on, I also am a wife, and, while it is a known fact I simply will not be able to cook and clean every day like this apartment and my husband need, I do still strive to do as much as I can.

And then there's all the ways I have to take care of myself, which list continues to grow. From exercises to oil pulling, many of them are little and not time-consuming individually, but altogether they take up a good deal of time and energy out of each day, and they are obviously very high priority.

So. We have my daily health needs and routine, the regular daily house needs that I struggle to keep up with, and my current creative endeavors, specifically this blog and two Etsy shops. My time is full.

So what happens when the creative I am starts thinking up new creative outlets? Something of the above has to go. The health and housewifely duties, obviously, are a must. I need my Etsy shops, honestly, both for my happiness and to help with bills. So if I want to add any other creative pursuit to my life, that leaves the blog as the only negotiable item.

It's pretty near impossible for a non-blogger to grasp just how much time goes into a blog. I don't even try to gauge how many hours a week I spend on planning, photographing, editing and designing, writing, proofreading, and social-media-ing my posts. But I know it's a massive amount of time. And as I really only have, as I said earlier, about 9 hours a day to get things done, that blog work takes up a whole lot of that.

And so, in the interest of me opening up my time to allow myself to be creative in other ways, and so that I don't continually spread my already fragile self thinner and thinner, the end of 2014 will need to be the end of Life, KV Style. I technically could continue to blog and also make jewelry and design blogs and whatever else I want to add, try to keep up with my health needs, and try to keep the dishes done and my husband fed. But I would go crazy and would not be happy, nor would I be able to give my full (already limited) capacity to those things.

Now don't worry, I will still be all over Twitter and Instagram and Facebook, I'm still here to respond to comments and answer any questions, and I'll still be reading and commenting on all you lovely people's blogs; I just won't be keeping up with this blog. I won't be deleting it, as I want the posts to still be up as resources (particularly the recipes and Wellness Wednesday posts), and it will also be here in case I ever have any huge announcements I need to share.

And as this new year is bringing new doctors and appointments galore, honestly I'm relieved to know I'll have some time freed up to devote to those appointments, even more healthy living, and all kinds of creative endeavors--you never know what I'll dream up.

So while this may be the end of Life, KV Style, it's the beginning of all kinds of things and especially what I hope to be the beginning of a new year full of massive health strides. Thank you--again--so much to all of my readers and all the friends I've made--it's crazy to think how many bloggers I've never met in person I now consider my friends, and I hope things can stay that way even without me blogging. :) I wish you all a wonderful 2015!

“He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for He breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron” (Psalm 107:14-16).

"I will go in the strength of the Lord God" (Psalm 71:16),

and "my Healer will see me through."

January 1, 2015

Those Little Square Snapshots

On Monday I shared a wrap-up of the most popular posts at Life, KV Style this year, so now, of course, it's time to share some of the most popular Instagram posts! (A few jewelry pieces made that list, so I'll link to those that are still available.) And since I got Instagram in January, that means this compilation is also the most popular of my Instagram posts ever. ;)